Mo lives with her husband Graham in Llandrindod Wells. They moved to Powys in 1984, running a small printing business initially and raising their son. The couple moved closer to town in 2000 and Mo then worked at the local Primary school offering after-school and holiday clubs. It fitted their lives perfectly.

“I retired about 10 years ago. We moved to a bungalow and we were developing the garden, we just plodded along. 5 years ago, in 2018 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy, I didn't want chemo, because it hadn't spread that much or hadn't spread throughout my body. Things were going okay. Until last year, it came back. They wanted to do a mastectomy, and I knew years ago I didn't, it just isn't what I want. I know what having a mastectomy would be for me, I think I'd have lost the will to live anyway. It just terrifies me.”

“I went down the road of anything other than that. When it came back, I was persuaded to try chemo which did not agree with me. It was in tablet form and was supposed to be one of the weakest forms, less toxic. It just didn't suit me. I was really ill, I lost lots of weight. I had other symptoms I had terrible heartburn and felt sick all the time.” Mo decided to stop treatments and discussed things with her consultant and the breast care nurses. Her care was transferred over to the palliative care team. “I was told about this place, the Bracken Trust, and Janet the palliative care nurse came to see me quite quickly. So since then, it's just been trying to keep as well as I can.”

Mo first discovered the lump whilst showering in March and saw her GP. She was quickly referred to Hereford hospital where she was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer and received surgery to remove the lump on the 1st May. “They had caught it early, it was stage one, but it was a grade three cancer. I recovered and the following year, I got an all-clear, which went on for four years. When it came back, I knew it was pretty bad. That's when I just decided not to have any further aggressive treatment.”

Mo shared many discussions with her husband Graham about her diagnosis and treatment options. They both came to terms with her terminal cancer and what would be best for her and them moving forward. “We had quite in-depth conversations, when I was first diagnosed, and when it came back. He says he agrees with me and I believe him, because he feels better if I'm feeling okay. When I was ill it was awful for him. I don't want him to have lots and lots of horrible memories. He's been really supportive, because he's my carer now… He’s probably hiding certain feelings from me, but we are quite open with each other. I've had a good life. I’ve been very fortunate, in many ways and I've had sadness but if you've got some happiness as well, then I think you should focus on that. Graham knows how I feel, my wishes and my philosophy in life. At the moment, it's okay. I've had what eight months of palliative care and I think the pain levels, the pain management is working.”

The treatments that Mo has faced from the diagnostic tests such as mammograms and biopsies to the surgery and chemotherapy have been very invasive and painful for her and helped her to make her decision with Graham's support to move to palliative care. “When I was having all the treatments and tests it was quite uncomfortable. The core biopsy was horrendous. It's the worst thing I think that I've ever had. It was so painful. I thought why am I putting myself through all this? All it's doing is giving me more pain. I am also thinking about Graham and having to see him drive all these distances and the worry of looking after me at the end. I know it's going to get me in the end and I don't want to be clinging on to straws. The quality of life is far more important than the length as far as I'm concerned. So that's how I feel about it.”

Mo takes comfort that Graham will have support when she passes and it is what matters most to her at the moment. “I don't want Graham to be too upset and that he will ask for help and support afterwards. I think the people here will help, he'll need someone to talk to, we are like two sides of a coin and we've been together for over 40 years, we've been through quite a lot. So it's going to be awful for him, as it would be awful for me. Whoever's left, it's really sad. That bothers me. But he tells me not to bother. He's far more practical than I am. I mean, I don't even drive I'd be absolutely useless. So he says, that's a good thing. If he's there for me. And he says, I'll be with you sooner or later. I'm concerned about him. But I think he'll be okay, as long as he asks for some help.”

When it comes to her death, she is calm and accepting “I am not morose about it. I'm not even scared at the moment as long as the pain is dealt with. I don't want to have a particularly painful death. I want to be remembered. That I was quite a nice person. I hope I haven't done too much harm in my life. I'd like people to have fond memories. I don't want people to be sad, because I've had a good life.”

“Our son Johnny's 35 so we must have been together at least five years before so it's got to be 40 years. So that said you get less for murder.” Seeing the couple together is beautiful, the relationship and bond they share is evident. Sadly, Mo has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and the couple are drawing on each other's strength and support to face it together.

Mo was originally diagnosed 5 years ago and they were confident it could be treated and they could move on with their lives. “Hereford said it was cancerous but it was only very small and they could do surgery. She had four weeks of radiotherapy, we had to go every day, which was a bit of a pain, but then it was all fine. There were a few tears, obviously, but the help of the Macmillan unit there was brilliant. They were really supportive. We just came to terms with it really. There’s no use dwelling on it. You just got to move forward. Once the lump was removed, and she was taking the pills it was like it never happened until she found the next two lumps, which weren't too clever.”

Having had regular checks, 4 years after the initial diagnosis she found a lump in her other breast, which after having tests and scans turned into two further lumps. The diagnosis had changed. Mo knew she didn’t want a mastectomy from the start and knew she didn’t want aggressive treatments that would change her life, deciding on quality over quantity. “All they can offer is a double mastectomy, which she doesn't want, so it's now a terminal diagnosis, which is difficult to come to terms with but you just have to!”

Both Graham and Mo discussed her treatments and what would change for them both. Graham is fully supportive of his wife and the choices she has made. “I agree with her, I can't see the point of prolonging it, because it's just going to make it worse and drag it out, which I don't think is a very good thing for either of us. I try not to show too much how I am feeling because it isn’t going to do any good. I've got to look after her. I don't want to put any more burden on her than she's already got. So, I just keep it inside, but I can't see there's any alternative, really.”